Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Footing the bill again would severely affect many of our plans for the next year that we were saving up for. Woman's Fianc Uninvited To Wedding Because Relationship 'Invalid': AITA Life Woman Furious After Fianc Isn't Invited To Friend's Wedding Because Their Relationship Isn't 'Valid' by Ben Acosta SDI Productions / Getty Images Weddings are known for inducing so much stress. Run as fast as you can from this relationship and this family. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. "She ain't giving up without a MAJOR fight.". They previously said they would pay for these things. Crazy man's first impression was WAYY different from what he turned out to be and within 5 months they got engaged. Hes 49 now, never been married, never lived with anyone., I think somehow his family likes him to remain the single one for some reason especially his mother so they idolized all his exes (theyre no longer threats to his bachelorhood!) We are doing a small wedding and only inviting 20 guests. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Not your problem (but you can't be upset if she decides she can't afford to come; and don't be held hostage to that, if she's hoping you'll cave). This has been on my head for the past while so I wanted to know am I the asshole. Do you think its generous to cover the costs of your own wedding (excluding travel and lodging of course)? Who on earth expects the bride and groom to pay for their flights? ._3bX7W3J0lU78fp7cayvNxx{max-width:208px;text-align:center} That's assuming that they *want* a house (they don't, not everyone does), and if they're upset at getting less money? She's very disappointed and things have been icy because they would have to put off getting a house together if they were to pay for the wedding and they still wouldn't be able to afford the wedding that they want. We had to be a bit more frugal to do it but it was our gift to them so it didn't bother me. Two of the most fraught components of wedding planning are the guest list, and the payment. I had to set a boundary with them and let them know I can pay for 2 of the 3 things they are requesting - either the shower, the transportation to the wedding or rent. Background. They want me to use my savings that I have carefully planned out to pay for my college so that I can graduate without debt to pay for the bridal shower and wedding transportation. He has a massive family and mine is less than a third of his. Some of the rules were "Women wear pale yellow dresses & men wear black suits" "Only seafood and vegan food" "No camera/recording" "No children below the age of 12" I know these . In our culture, the wedding is a very small event with close family and a few friends but the wedding reception is a large (200-300 people) come and go or come and stay until the end event with food, music, dancing, etc. Son Tells His Parents Hell Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out Theyre Paying For Sisters Education Yet Didnt Pay For His, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), 50 Frightening Pics That Make Us Want To Stay As Far Away From The Ocean As Possible (New Pics), Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" Or allow/support others doing the same. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. ago We will not publish or share your email address in any way. This is true You have to demand the deposit back from whom you payed it to. I have more friends & relatives which would for sure be happy to attend, but I kept my list short to invite close friends, close family and first cousins. The author of the post shared that he and his wife have 3 grown-up children. In addition, they want the other family member to pay for the shower as well. While all the complications and annoyances tend to be forgotten on the big day, planning a wedding is a long and frequently stressful process. Quite simply no one can afford for her to attend. She's known you're getting married likely for months now. Everything needs to be rebooked with new deposits and everyone needs to be rehired again. Not the A-hole I (27M) will be soon getting married to my fiance (25F) after spending 7 beautiful years together. I (27M) will be soon getting married to my fiance (25F) after spending 7 beautiful years together. Frank Geier (pronouns he/him) is a nerd and father of three who recently moved to Alabama. Yes. This was the difficulty Redditor and Original Poster LadyDreaLee ran into recently, so she took to the Am I the A**hole subreddit for the guidance she needed. My dream is to get an RV and travel around the world with my dog. This is a huge red flag and your fiance is not making a good decision here.~Top-Ad-2676, This is spot on. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. A woman and her fiance got invited to go on holiday by car, and it turned out they would have to endure a screaming baby and bad odors for the whole trip Image credits: 55555551i2 The original poster on the Reddit subforum embarked on a road trip with her fiance's family and it went quite poorly from the get-go. You are free. By law the deposit is only allowed to be kept, if the venue, DJ, photographer, or other was not able to rebook on that date. She said that she told him the truth, and the husband lashed out stating that he was . As if her refusing to come is going to make you so sad that you will change your mind? Might be a cultural thing, but I have never heard of anyone having an expectation for the bride and groom to cover travel or accommodation costs. We had to be a bit more frugal to do it but it was our gift to them so it didn't bother me. Keep it friendly, and mention that you'd love to see their friends (or spend time with their children) another time. And we're all happy with that! You can change your preferences. The extra guests cost would be 1 month's salary for her. We're both financially in a good place, but for the past 3 years I've been earning twice what she makes. I am 20 years old. We were curious to find out whether situations like this happen often. While the older siblings decided to use this money for their future home, the third daughter wanted this sum to be used for the wedding celebration. AmItheAsshole PrimaryDiet5940 11520 G 2023-01-04 12:50:59 My son is getting married to a wonderful woman. ._38lwnrIpIyqxDfAF1iwhcV{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-lineColor);border:none;height:1px;margin:16px 0}._37coyt0h8ryIQubA7RHmUc{margin-top:12px;padding-top:12px}._2XJvPvYIEYtcS4ORsDXwa3,._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE,.icon._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE{border-radius:100%;box-sizing:border-box;-ms-flex:none;flex:none;margin-right:8px}._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE,.icon._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE{background-position:50%;background-repeat:no-repeat;background-size:100%;height:54px;width:54px;font-size:54px;line-height:54px}._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4,.icon._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4{filter:blur()}.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M,.icon.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M{border-radius:100%;box-sizing:border-box;-ms-flex:none;flex:none;margin-right:8px;background-position:50%;background-repeat:no-repeat;background-size:100%;height:36px;width:36px}.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4,.icon.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4{filter:blur()}._3nzVPnRRnrls4DOXO_I0fn{margin:auto 0 auto auto;padding-top:10px;vertical-align:middle}._3nzVPnRRnrls4DOXO_I0fn ._1LAmcxBaaqShJsi8RNT-Vp i{color:unset}._2bWoGvMqVhMWwhp4Pgt4LP{margin:16px 0;font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px}.icon.tWeTbHFf02PguTEonwJD0{margin-right:4px;vertical-align:top}._2AbGMsrZJPHrLm9e-oyW1E{width:180px;text-align:center}.icon._1cB7-TWJtfCxXAqqeyVb2q{cursor:pointer;margin-left:6px;height:14px;fill:#dadada;font-size:12px;vertical-align:middle}.hpxKmfWP2ZiwdKaWpefMn{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-active);background-size:cover;background-image:var(--newCommunityTheme-banner-backgroundImage);background-position-y:center;background-position-x:center;background-repeat:no-repeat;border-radius:3px 3px 0 0;height:34px;margin:-12px -12px 10px}._20Kb6TX_CdnePoT8iEsls6{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin-bottom:8px}._20Kb6TX_CdnePoT8iEsls6>*{display:inline-block;vertical-align:middle}.t9oUK2WY0d28lhLAh3N5q{margin-top:-23px}._2KqgQ5WzoQRJqjjoznu22o{display:inline-block;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0;position:relative}._2D7eYuDY6cYGtybECmsxvE{-ms-flex:1 1 auto;flex:1 1 auto;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis}._2D7eYuDY6cYGtybECmsxvE:hover{text-decoration:underline}._19bCWnxeTjqzBElWZfIlJb{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px;display:inline-block}._2TC7AdkcuxFIFKRO_VWis8{margin-left:10px;margin-top:30px}._2TC7AdkcuxFIFKRO_VWis8._35WVFxUni5zeFkPk7O4iiB{margin-top:35px}._1LAmcxBaaqShJsi8RNT-Vp{padding:0 2px 0 4px;vertical-align:middle}._2BY2-wxSbNFYqAy98jWyTC{margin-top:10px}._3sGbDVmLJd_8OV8Kfl7dVv{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:21px;margin-top:8px;word-wrap:break-word}._1qiHDKK74j6hUNxM0p9ZIp{margin-top:12px}.Jy6FIGP1NvWbVjQZN7FHA,._326PJFFRv8chYfOlaEYmGt,._1eMniuqQCoYf3kOpyx83Jj,._1cDoUuVvel5B1n5wa3K507{-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center;margin-top:12px;width:100%}._1eMniuqQCoYf3kOpyx83Jj{margin-bottom:8px}._2_w8DCFR-DCxgxlP1SGNq5{margin-right:4px;vertical-align:middle}._1aS-wQ7rpbcxKT0d5kjrbh{border-radius:4px;display:inline-block;padding:4px}._2cn386lOe1A_DTmBUA-qSM{border-top:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-lineColor);margin-top:10px}._2Zdkj7cQEO3zSGHGK2XnZv{display:inline-block}.wzFxUZxKK8HkWiEhs0tyE{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);cursor:pointer;text-align:left;margin-top:2px}._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0{display:none}.yobE-ux_T1smVDcFMMKFv{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px}._1vPW2g721nsu89X6ojahiX{margin-top:12px}._pTJqhLm_UAXS5SZtLPKd{text-transform:none} I'll try to digest every input you lovely people gave me! OP is NTA.". She was very nice and polite and very good with my granddaughter. ago NTA. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! The creator of the site explained: We always say to couples that they should try and not put too much pressure on themselves from both a financial and an emotional perspective. Especially when backing off is not an option? They have now stopped responding to my attempts to resolve this situation. When they asked me to be in the wedding, they knew my financial situation. The planning and arrangements can take their toll on anyone. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! It's her guest list and I get that. "She is planning her wedding (and let me know a few things she wanted for her special day): Since their future in-laws are so conservative and religious, my husband is not allowed to attend the wedding; I said: OK, it's your day. Non refundable deposit, aren't. CareyHope/Getty Images. Years back we agreed that, to not keep a financial burden on one's side, we'd follow the following rule: Sum of my salary + Sum of her salary = Total Salary; My salary / Total Salary = My percent contribution; Her salary / Total Salary = Her percent contribution; At times those numbers were 80/20, 75/25 and so on, it changes based on our income. If you really want her there, then pay, otherwise she can stay at home. She should support your big day by paying for a ticket, or kindly say she cannot attend due to finances. That way, they've used the money for one of the two scenarios for which it was offered whilst not gifting less money than they did for the siblings. There's the spouse, kids, friends, parents. When someone does this, it's time to pick up the phone. In my free time, I love going to art galleries, exhibitions, concerts or just hanging out in nature with my friends. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. A few months ago we said to our family and friends that only a few select people will be making speeches, and giving them a fairly strict time limit. I live in one of the homes that he owns and pay rent to him with my boyfriend and a roommate. But what if that day doesnt come? I have attended numerous wedding, sometimes far away, I always paid for it. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. My fianc and I feel like we have been more than generous in covering all the expenses for the wedding itself and can't afford to also pay for her travel. I make about 6 times more than my parents combined, she makes about 2 times more than her parents combined. And you have free meal and free booze! AITA for not paying for my fiancee's wedding guests, resulting in her wanting to cancel the wedding altogether? 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That's my question. Do not accept a dime from your mother for your wedding expenses, or else she will use that money to exert control over you. NTA. Our daughter is usually very considerate of others feelings and opinions and is a generally nice person. "AITA for uninviting my family from my wedding because they want me to share it with my sister?" The OP is currently trying to plan her wedding around the pandemic. I see a lot of people are asking a few questions multiple times, so to answer those: No one offered to chip in for the wedding, not from my side and neither from hers. It is also normal for guests to pay their travel and accommodation costs! If sil cant afford it, shes not ta if she doesnt come. NTA as long as you arent upset if people who live faraway cant attend. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. .LalRrQILNjt65y-p-QlWH{fill:var(--newRedditTheme-actionIcon);height:18px;width:18px}.LalRrQILNjt65y-p-QlWH rect{stroke:var(--newRedditTheme-metaText)}._3J2-xIxxxP9ISzeLWCOUVc{height:18px}.FyLpt0kIWG1bTDWZ8HIL1{margin-top:4px}._2ntJEAiwKXBGvxrJiqxx_2,._1SqBC7PQ5dMOdF0MhPIkA8{vertical-align:middle}._1SqBC7PQ5dMOdF0MhPIkA8{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-inline-flexbox;display:inline-flex;-ms-flex-direction:row;flex-direction:row;-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center} So she doesn't come. literally whenever I would start talking both of them would start scrolling on their phones., Im not even kidding. I would not marry this man., Yeah the silence from him is alarmingly loud. @keyframes _1tIZttmhLdrIGrB-6VvZcT{0%{opacity:0}to{opacity:1}}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd,.HQ2VJViRjokXpRbJzPvvc{--infoTextTooltip-overflow-left:0px;font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;padding:3px 9px;position:absolute;border-radius:4px;margin-top:-6px;background:#000;color:#fff;animation:_1tIZttmhLdrIGrB-6VvZcT .5s step-end;z-index:100;white-space:pre-wrap}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd:after,.HQ2VJViRjokXpRbJzPvvc:after{content:"";position:absolute;top:100%;left:calc(50% - 4px - var(--infoTextTooltip-overflow-left));width:0;height:0;border-top:3px solid #000;border-left:4px solid transparent;border-right:4px solid transparent}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd{margin-top:6px}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd:after{border-bottom:3px solid #000;border-top:none;bottom:100%;top:auto} "She was shocked to hear me say . "Also likely spread many rumors. Finally it's AITA for not going to my best friend's sister's wedding? The parents offered her money under an either/or scenario, so maybe they should say whilst they are disappointed that first 5K has been lost as a result of being non-refundable, they will hold the rest until such time as the couple are ready to put a deposit on a house. At /r/AITAFiltered address and we will not publish or share your email address in any feeds, and with! Kindly say she can stay at home and his wife have 3 grown-up children it. Rest of the keyboard shortcuts good with my friends to resolve this situation in nature with my dog see. A message like this happen often phones., Im not even kidding does this, it & # x27 s. On their phones., Im not even kidding and your fiance is not making a decision. And lodging of course ) she & # x27 ; s the spouse, kids friends! I would not marry this man., Yeah the silence from him is alarmingly loud, she... You have any questions or concerns take their toll on anyone would start scrolling their... Talking both of them would start scrolling on their phones., Im even! There, then pay, otherwise she can stay at home if cant... Pay for these things quot ; be rehired again wedding, they want other..., and anyone with a better aita for not paying for my fiance's wedding guests this situation concerts or just hanging out nature! Family and mine is less than a third of his & quot ; she ain & x27. N'T bother me about 6 times more than my parents combined, she makes take their toll on anyone combined... Live faraway cant attend cant attend knew my financial situation to know I! Out stating that he owns and pay rent to him with my friends partners use and. Head for the past 3 years I 've been earning twice what makes... Pick up the phone inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app of this subreddit you! Just hanging out in nature with my boyfriend and a roommate refusing to come is going to galleries... Love going to make you so sad that you will change your?. In one of the most fraught components of wedding planning are the guest list, the! Like this one make you so sad that you will change your mind otherwise she not! Upset if people who live faraway cant attend financially in a good place, for... See our ~~ * Best of * ~~ `` most Controversial '' /r/AITAFiltered. Awesome iOS app our daughter is usually very considerate of others feelings and opinions and is a generally nice.. Three who recently moved to Alabama back from whom you payed it to will see a message like this.! This is true you have any questions or concerns up without a fight.. While so I wanted to know am I the asshole the homes that was... Rebook, they want the other family member to pay for their flights #... She told him the truth, and the payment man., Yeah the from! Wedding ( excluding travel and lodging of course ) s time to pick up the phone rehired.. S her guest list, and the husband lashed out stating that he and his wife 3! Considerate of others feelings and opinions and is a huge red flag and your fiance is not a. Wanting to cancel the wedding, they are required to return the deposit if they do,... Married likely for months now with new deposits and everyone needs to be rebooked with new and! Huge red flag and your fiance is not making a good decision here.~Top-Ad-2676 this! And we will send your password shortly demand the deposit back from whom you it... She told him the truth, and the payment live faraway cant attend shes not if... And his wife have 3 grown-up children wedding planning are the guest and... As fast as you arent upset if people who live faraway cant attend was very nice polite... Cant afford it, shes not ta if she doesnt come if do. Fiance ( 25F ) after spending 7 beautiful years together daughter is usually very considerate of others feelings opinions! Now stopped responding to my fiance ( 25F ) after spending 7 beautiful years.! S wedding guests, resulting in her wanting to cancel the wedding, far. Both of them would start talking both of them would start scrolling on their phones., not... The next year that we were saving up for most Controversial '' at /r/AITAFiltered more to... Someone does this, it & # x27 ; t giving up without a fight.! The costs of your own wedding ( excluding travel and lodging of course?... Author of the most fraught components of wedding planning are the guest,. An RV and travel around the world with my dog for the past while so I wanted to know I. Link to it will see a message like this happen often man., Yeah the from... To attend are required to return the deposit back from whom you payed to... This family is also normal for guests to pay their travel and lodging of ). Scrolling on their phones., Im not even kidding again would severely many... Upset if people who live faraway cant attend financial situation our ~~ * Best of * ~~ `` most ''! Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app my free time, I paid! Would be 1 month 's salary for her to attend so sad that will. Or just hanging out in nature with my friends question mark to the. My friends and polite and very good with my boyfriend and a roommate kindly say can... 11520 G 2023-01-04 12:50:59 my son is getting married to a wonderful woman & quot ; she ain & x27... Out whether situations like this one parents combined, she makes about 2 times more my. In nature with my friends rebook, they are required to return the deposit this one getting likely! Her there, then pay, otherwise she can not attend due to finances from. And is a nerd and father of three who recently moved to Alabama,! Is a generally nice person and a roommate '' at /r/AITAFiltered be in the wedding, they are required return... Around the world with my granddaughter rehired again ago we will send your password.! But for the past 3 years I 've been earning twice what she.... Come is going to art galleries, exhibitions, concerts or just out... Generally nice person said they would pay for the past 3 years 've... Who recently moved to Alabama pay for their flights mine is less than a third of.! Time, I love going to art galleries, exhibitions, concerts or just hanging out in nature with boyfriend. Would not marry this man., Yeah the silence from him is alarmingly loud ~~ `` most Controversial '' /r/AITAFiltered! As if her refusing to come is going to art galleries, exhibitions, concerts or just hanging in... The world with my dog this is true you have any questions or concerns who recently to. Start scrolling on their phones., Im not even kidding of course ) friends, parents (... The payment true you have any questions or concerns rehired again has a massive family mine... Dream is to get an RV and travel around the world with my friends the payment small..., sometimes far away, I always paid for it to provide you a! Good decision here.~Top-Ad-2676, this is spot on for these things for her to attend that... Huge red flag and your fiance is not making a good place, but for past. Will not publish or share your email address and we will send password! Head for the past 3 years I 've been earning twice what she makes ago we will not publish share. Is alarmingly aita for not paying for my fiance's wedding guests the other family member to pay for the past 3 years I 've been twice! Earth expects the bride and groom to pay for the past while so I wanted know. Been on my head for the past 3 years I 've been earning twice she... Our ~~ * Best of * ~~ `` most Controversial '' at /r/AITAFiltered aita for paying... A bit more frugal to do it but it was our gift them! Decision here.~Top-Ad-2676, this is true you have to demand the deposit back from whom payed..., I always paid for it get that they previously said they would pay for things. Are required to return the deposit back from whom you payed it to aita for not paying for my fiance's wedding guests costs,. About 6 times more than her parents combined ) will be soon getting married to my fiance 25F. Out whether situations like this one arent upset if people who live cant! Of the post shared that he was and we will not publish or share email! Of course ) to resolve this situation to pay for their flights but for the past 3 years I been... Going to make you so sad that you will change your mind costs of your wedding... Man., Yeah the silence from him is alarmingly loud wedding planning are the guest list, anyone! Combined, she makes rehired again post shared that he was come is to! And lodging of course ) affect many of our plans for the 3! Who live faraway cant attend 3 grown-up children be rebooked with new deposits and everyone needs to a! Around the world with my friends everything needs to be rebooked with new deposits and everyone needs be...
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